Controlled Crying Explained for New Parents

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Baby in distress crying

If you are new to this parenting gig, have you heard the term “controlled crying” bantered around? Controlled crying brings out a wide range of opinions and emotions so let’s discuss what it means…

What is Controlled Crying?

Controlled crying is when you allow your baby to “cry it out” for increasingly longer periods of time before returning to comfort them. According to the Australian Association for Infant Mental Health Inc. “controlled crying (also known as controlled comforting and sleep training) is a technique that is widely used as a way of managing parents’ perceptions of sleep problems in infants and young children who do not settle alone or who wake at night”. There are a lot of high expectations in society today that babies should be sleeping through the night at a young age. Parents must remember that it is very normal for babies not to sleep through the night for a variety of reasons.

Extinction Method

The “extinction method’ involves allowing your baby to cry themselves to sleep, without stepping in to comfort them. This is not classified as controlled crying and is not encouraged by many sleep or health experts at all. The argument against the extinction method is that allowing a baby to cry it out for too long, with no comfort, can produce distress which produces stress hormones. Over time, that cannot be a good thing.

Negative Impacts of Controlled Crying

The AAIMHI is concerned that the practice of controlled crying does not fit with the needs of infants’ and toddlers’ to be emotionally and psychologically supported. A baby needs to know that support and comfort are close at hand.

It is not recommended to even attempt the controlled crying method if your baby is under 6 months old. Most importantly, this is a time of massive neurological and developmental milestones, Your baby needs your full support and attention more than ever.

Is Controlled Crying Right For You?

Sleep training in any form can be a very personal choice and one that depends on your parenting style. We are not advocating for parents to use one particular method over another method. You must consider what your baby needs and it is a completely individual response. Some babies prefer companionship and comfort. They like to know that a parent is close by when they are going to sleep. Others are very sociable little beings. They will find the company entertaining and possibly distracting which inhibits them winding down for bed. Some parents find it easier than others to implement routines with their baby. Parents need to go with their gut feeling about what is right for their baby.

Take a French Pause

If you feel that your baby has become extremely reliant on you to self settle you may wish to try small gestures, that help you to teach baby to self settle. One of the best skills you can try to teach your baby is to self settle from an early age. Therefore, you will need to give your baby assistance to form self-settling habits.

Perhaps the controlled crying method is not for you. However, you may like to take a leaf out of the French culture for raising baby! French parents often take a 5 minute pause when they hear their baby becomes unsettled. It means that you don’t jump the minute your baby makes a peep. You just wait a little to see if baby is rousing and really needs your help. Or if they are just making a few noises and going back to sleep. You can read more about international sleep practices in our blog Baby Sleep Practices Around The World.

The Importance of a Bedtime Routine

We recommend that you do not attempt any sleep training method until you have tried to establish a regular bedtime routine. This plan of action is one of the easiest “sleep training” tips you can try without resorting to stressful or unnecessary crying methods. A bedtime routine, and the use of a sleep cue such as a Bubbaroo Joey Swag Baby Sleeping Bag, can help get your baby on track for good long term sleep habits. A consistent bedtime routine can also help your baby to get back to good sleep patterns after a diversion! For more on bedtime routine, read our blog Bedtime Routine For Baby.

Important Points to Keep In Mind

If you are going to attempt any form or sleep training or the controlled crying method, it is important to consider the following factors:

  • Ensure that your baby is not over tired at the time of putting them to bed, otherwise you will be fighting an up hill battle.
  • Make sure that you time the “training” to a time when you do not have too much on your plate as you may lose more sleep than normal, trying to follow the training behaviours.
  • Ensure that baby gets maximum amount of feeding opportunities during the day time to keep overnight wake ups to a minimum.
  • Check that the room temperature is comfortable and baby is dressed appropriately for sleep.
  • Be as consistent as you possibly can to avoid giving your baby mixed messages.

Sleep Regression

If your baby has been sleeping well and suddenly starts waking more than normal, you don’t need to resort to harsh methods to get your baby back on track. Many babies go through stages of sleep regression during big developmental and neurological milestones. It is very common for babies to go through periods of unsettled sleep due to development, illness, separation, teething or major life changes. Implementing controlled crying at a younger age, may not be effective over the long term in any case when sleep regression can occur at any time. It is better to teach your baby self settling skills that he/she can call on again after a period of sleep regression.

Sleep Safe

When putting your baby to bed, always follow the Red Nose guidelines for safe sleep. More information is available on the Red Nose website. The key messages are to sleep baby in their own cot in the parents’ room for the first 6 months of life, do not overheat baby, sleep baby on their back and keep the cot free of objects such as bumpers, toys, mobiles and cords.

Baby will sleep best when they feel comfortable, safe and secure!

Happy sleeping!

Nicole Cassey

written by

Nicole Cassey

Nicole Cassey, Mum to Jacob and Emily, founder and general dog’s body at Bubbaroo. Nicole was inspired to create Bubbaroo and Australia’s first swaddle after the personal experience she had with her first child, Jacob.

Nicole explains "It is such a steep learning curve becoming a parent. Getting to know the baby you created and finding your groove as a parent. You sometimes feel like you need to become a detective to try to interpret your baby's cues, personality, cries and behaviour. This is my passion to help parents on their journey, especially new parents as they transition to parenthood."

Nicole has a passion for sharing knowledge and community, regularly organising and presenting at various expectant parent and sleep workshops. Nicole ensures she is up to date with the latest evidence-based safe sleep and health research. Bubbaroo collaborates with experts in their field that share similar values and philosophies and have a passion for helping and supporting parents and expectant parents.

Nicole’s attention to detail with the creation of her premium quality baby, toddler and child sleepwear is exceptional. Nicole has been committed to ensure that Bubbaroo is not just a mass market brand producing products, Nicole’s focus is on helping your baby sleep safely in products that stand the test of time.

3 thoughts on “Controlled Crying Explained for New Parents

  1. Renee Shilkin

    Hi Nicole
    I have always been against any form of controlled crying [or ‘controlled comforting’] as I believe that infants need to know that their request/need for attention will not be ignored. I believe that not attending a child who is asking for help/attention is the beginning of their learning not to trust people when they ask for help.
    As you know infants may cry when lying down if they have ear problems and perhaps it should be specified that checking their ears is especially important in infants who cry when lying down and settle when picked up. A tympanogram is especially helpful as it will pick up early pressure changes that can cause a problem when trying to sleep.
    I definitely agree that setting up a sleeping routine is a very good idea but don’t like the situation where older children are not allowed to alter their sleep routine for any reason–they need to have some flexibility. In infants with ear problems it rarely is possible to set up a routine until the ear problems have been sorted but parents are often blamed for not being strict with the routines.
    I have always found that if it is confirmed that the infant is well and continues to have a problem settling to sleep that this can be done slowly and gently so the child isn’t really aware that changes are being made. This allows the child to continue to trust his/her parents.
    I believe that no child should ever go to bed/sleep distressed. Going to bed should always be a good event in their lives.
    I guess you know about my ideas Nicole but thought I would put them in writing because of your article.
    Regards
    Renee Shilkin

    Reply
    1. Nicole Cassey Post author

      Hi Renee
      I hope you’re well.
      Thank you so much for your input!
      I couldn’t agree more! Controlled crying is not a method I personally used. Crying is how a baby communicates their needs and wants. I found that once my children’s health issues were addressed then sleep issues resolved very quickly. We need to get to the underlying issue first.
      I now have the best sleepers even as teenagers! I can hardly believe that Jacob will be 17 next month!
      Kind Regards

      Nicole

      Reply

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